Soap operas exist in their own universe with their own laws. Should you ever wake up and find yourself in a soap, here are 20 of the indelible rules you’ll have to adjust to:
- You only hear the elevator ding if someone you know is going to get off.
- You will run into someone who appears to be your identical twin at some point in your life.
- Although you support a woman’s right to choose, you must believe you would never personally have an abortion.
- One day your toddler will suddenly walk into the room as a teenager. It’s unlikely the change will surprise you.
- Never call someone when you could stop by and see them in person.
- If you find yourself in a car, you are probably about to be in an accident.
- Takeout food and purchases can only go in a soft paper bag that makes no crinkling noises.
- The only people who actually go to jail for any length of time are the boring people no one cares about.
- You must always discuss your deepest, darkest secrets in a public place or in a room with the door open.
- Your home must have a bar or bar cart in the living room.
- Your home cannot have a kitchen.
- Medical privacy laws do not apply to you or your doctor.
- You cannot control your overwhelming passion. It’s ok, you don’t know anyone else who can either.
- If you actually have a job and actually go to work, you will spend most of your time there on personal matters.
- When in bed, you will always have a sheet taped to your body.
- You will never be alone in your bedroom.
- You are free to use any room you like at a hospital, court house, or police station for private discussions or other (ahem) private things.
- If there is a storm, really, really bad things are going to happen.
- You will count your age in divorces, not in years.
- Don’t worry. If you die, you probably aren’t really dead.
Your turn! Hit the comments below with your own life rules of soap operas.
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