Breaking Bad Recap: To’hajiilee – S5, Ep 13

Breaking Bad: To'hajiilee

“COME ON!!! Hank and Gomez would be dead meat! #breakingbad”

Yeah, that was my tweet at the end of this episode of “Breaking Bad.” Really? Those two didn’t collapse in a bloody mess of blazing bullets? They were RIGHT THERE! Standing out in the open like sitting ducks!

So someone tell me how they managed to get behind a vehicle and STILL BE SHOOTING while Uncle Jack and his thugs had all those automatic weapons pointed at them. I mean, it’s like the Old West, except people generally die in those scenes.

But let’s go back to the beginning of this ep. First, I guess when Jesse said last week “I’m gonna get you where you really live,” he meant the money, not Walt’s family, as I surmised. Silly me.

Then we had the beginning scenes with that alternate-universe storyline of Lydia and Todd and Uncle Jack. Ok, Uncle Jack works into the main Walt-Hank-Sky-Marie storyline, but the whole thing with Todd’s failed cooking methods and heating the blue out of the meth seems detached from everything else.

“Where’s the blue?” said Lydia. “The blue color? Does it come later?” She’s just so stupid.

Although I did like this line: “You burned it … like a cake.”

Anyway, I guess they’ll work all that in somewhere, but it’s kind of hard to imagine that Walt is going to go back and cook for Todd et al in exchange for Uncle Jack offing Jesse at this point. No one really knows who’s dead or alive, but it sure seemed like everyone was still alive out in the desert at the OK Corral.

And then we got the whole scenario with Jesse getting Walt where he lives. Jesse’s with Hank and Gomez and says, “You guys need evidence to put him away. I know some evidence that greedy asshole could never destroy. His money.”

And thus, Plan A, with the brains on the floor next to Jesse’s head, then Hank going to see Huell and showing the picture of Jesse and the brains to him, noting that HE’s next. That’s where Hank gets the intel about the money, but Huell doesn’t know where the money is and there was no GPS on the van. But! The van was dirty and there was a shovel, and Huell knew the money was stuffed into seven barrels.

Cut to Walt talking to Uncle Jack and Todd. “He’s not a rat,” Walt says of Jesse. “He just won’t listen to reason. He’s just angry.” And then, “Jesse is like family to me. Look, I want you to do this fast and painless. No suffering, no fear.”

Ah, the family plan assassination. Yeah, I’ve heard of that.

But they want Walt to cook for them in exchange for giving Jesse the family plan. Walt agrees to “one cook … after the job is done.”

Then Walt goes to Andrea’s house, says a casual hi to Brock (the kid he almost killed), and tells Andrea that “Jesse is using again. I have a bad feeling about this.” She says Jesse’s lawyer is Saul Goodman. “Better call Saul, yeah I did that,” lies Walt.

Walt gives Andrea Jesse’s new cell number. She calls it and leaves a message, which of course, goes straight to the Hello Kitty phone and Hank hears the message.

Here’s where they come up with the plan to lure Walt out into the desert where the money is buried. But first, back at the car wash, it’s another cheery A-1 Day! “Why do I gotta say that?” asks Junior. “Because it reinforces our brand,” answers Sky, who wants Junior to learn the ropes, but also stay alive. That’s why he’s there.

Saul comes in and Junior recognizes him as the guy on the billboard. His face is beat up, though. “Occupational hazard,” explains Saul, who gives Junior a parting message. “Don’t drink and drive. If you do, call me.”

Oh, and “Have an A-1 Day!” says Junior.

Then Walt comes in and chastises Saul for showing up at the car wash. And then, “Are you wearing a bullet proof vest?” “Did you miss the part about my bodyguard gone missing?” says Saul.

That’s when Walt gets the photo of money in a barrel from Jesse on his phone. “Got my photo, bitch?!” says Jesse. “That barrel look familiar? Because I just found six more exactly like it.”

Walt gets into the car and speeds out to the money. I thought he might get into a fiery car crash and maybe that would be the end of the series! Ok, not really, but the thought occurred to me. Especially since Jesse’s on the phone saying he’s starting to burn the money, $10K at a time. Walt speeds up and weaves in and out of traffic.

Meanwhile, Walt is yelling into the phone about Brock. “I’m sorry about Brock! But he’s alive, isn’t he? Don’t you think I know how much to give him? That I had it all measured out?!”

Walt gets to the buried-money spot and of course, Jesse is nowhere in site. Because they were playing Walt. Come on, Walt. You’re not that dumb. So he climbs up onto the rocks to wait and almost passes out with cancer cough. And then, he DIES RIGHT THEN AND THERE! Ok, not really again, but wouldn’t that have been an interesting turn of events?

Walt’s in a complete panic at this point, and doesn’t Bryan Cranston do panic well? Like no one else on any screen anywhere. So he calls Uncle Jack and tells him to get out there. Gives him the coordinates. Jesse will be here in seconds, says Walt.

Indeed, a car pulls up and … Hank and Gomez get out, along with Jesse. Not what Walt had in mind. He tells Uncle Jack the plan is off.

But why? (That’s me wondering). Wouldn’t it have been easier if Hank and Gomez AND Jesse were all erased from the planet? Or does Walt have enough of a conscience left to not want that to happen?

Anyway, I’m practically screaming at the TV by now, because Hank is having a heartfelt phone call with Marie, saying he got Walt and everything will be fine. That’s our first cue that everything WON’T be fine.

Hank slaps the cuffs on Walt and tosses him into the back of the car – right after Walt calls Jesse a “coward” and Jesse spits in Walt’s face, and we realize this is the first place that Walt and Jesse cooked way back when. (And really? You couldn’t have picked a less obvious place to bury the money, Walt?)

Jesse looks like he’s going to rocket off into space during all this or maybe have a stroke, but he goes over and gets into Walt’s car. Uncle Jack and the Jack-Thugs (including Todd) drive up and all of a sudden it’s a scene from the OK Corral. Guns pointed everywhere. Big automatic weapon type guns. Bullets are blazing fast and furious.

Hank and Gomez are sitting ducks in plain site, while Jesse and Walt are in their respective vehicles. Who else thinks Hank and/or Gomez are dead meat, even though they made it look like they got behind the car and survived? There’s no way they could have survived, even if they were wearing bullet-proof vests.

Three episodes left! And “it ends in a very unapologetic, pure Breaking Bad way,” said Bryan Cranston on “Talking Bad.”

Other Stuff: 

Uncle Jack apparently thinks he’s invincible and doesn’t need a mask in the kitchen.

Blue food coloring? I’m guessing that wasn’t one of Walt’s ingredients.

What was up with Todd invading Lydia’s personal space, and then savoring her lipstick on the cup she was drinking from? That’s just awkward. And disturbing, but that’s partly because Todd is like a robot when it comes to, well, anything.

For the record, here are some of the lyrics from Steve Perry’s “Oh Sherrie,” which apparently Todd was using to lure Lydia into his lair:

You should’ve been gone
Knowing how I made you feel
And I should’ve been gone
After all your words of steel
Oh, I must’ve been a dreamer
And I must’ve been someone else
And we should’ve been over

Oh, Sherrie, our love
Holds on, holds on
Oh, Sherrie, our love
Holds on, holds on

Oh, and Todd’s ringtone? Thomas Dolby’s “She Blinded Me With Science.” He’s quite the little lovebird, isn’t he?

Your thoughts on this brain-blowing episode of “Breaking Bad”? Now I’m on Walt’s side. I know I shouldn’t be, but something in this episode turned me completely on his side. 


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