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I finally watched the 1992 ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ movie, and I’m really sorry I did. It’s just an awful movie, so awful that it made me want to watch the entire TV series again to try and erase the memory of this movie from my brain.

buffy-movie-1992-2Until then, let’s recap some of the awful things about the movie. Here are five from me. Feel free to add your own in the comments below.

1. There’s no “there” there. The plot is about a teenage girl played by Kristy Swanson who realizes she’s The Chosen One to kill vampires, led by her trainer Merrick, played by Donald Sutherland. There you go. No need to watch the movie. And none of the cool characters from the TV series are in the movie, so you’re not missing anything there.

2. Pee Wee Herman as a vampire? That’s just weird.

3. Hilary Swank as a ditzy cheerleader? Ditto. This was her first film.

4. Stephen Root is a tiny bright spot, but only because he went on to play a vampire in ‘True Blood.’ I guess this movie was his training ground. Or not. Other weirdly minor players include Seth Green as a vampire (uncredited, and his part was cut) and Ben Affleck as a basketball player.

5. It’s hard to think that Joss Whedon wrote this movie, but there’s more to that story. Apparently, he was so frustrated by how his vision of the movie was being mishandled that he left the set during production and never went back. His original vision of the script was eventually released in comic form as ‘The Origin.’

And now they want to re-make the movie without Whedon?!! That would be SUCH a huge mistake. Huge. Here’s a scene from the 1992 movie:

‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ is rated PG-13 for comic vampire violence and drug references.

Images: 20th Century Fox Film Corp.

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