Movie: ‘Piranha 3D’
In Theaters: August 20, 2010
Director: Alexandre Aja
Runtime: 89 minutes
MPAA Rating: R for sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore, graphic nudity, sexual content, language and some drug use.
Let’s get one thing straight. ‘Piranha 3D’ isn’t meant to be a piece of cinematic art or anything. It’s a ridiculous slasher-fish movie with loads of blood, flying body parts, and naked women – sometimes all in the same scene. If you go in with those expectations, then you won’t be disappointed.
I suggest watching the original Roger Corman cult classic , and if you like that one, head out to see this remake in 3D. They both have their high points, and this new one features some actors who’ve been around the lake once or twice.
Elisabeth Shue plays single mom Julie Forester, but she’s also the sheriff of sleepy Lake Victoria, currently in the midst of a major population explosion due to drunken kids on Spring Break. What no one realizes is that a tectonic shift has caused the lake to open up, revealing an ancient lake underneath that’s been closed up for millions of years.
Imprisoned there all this time are some pretty nasty prehistoric fish, just waiting for their opportunity to break free and feast on something other than themselves.
It’s a scientific marvel to old Mr. Goodman (Christopher Lloyd), but to Sheriff Forester, it’s a bloody nightmare, made worse by the fact that her teenaged son (Steven R. McQueen, a.k.a. Jeremy on ‘The Vampire Diaries’) and his not-girlfriend Kelly (Jessica Szohr, a.k.a. Vanessa on ‘Gossip Girl’) are off shooting a porn video with some out-of-towners on a boat in a remote part of the lake. Meanwhile, Jake’s two younger siblings – whom he’s supposed to be watching at home – venture off in a canoe and get stuck on an island.
Jerry O’Connell gets to slap on some major ham as the stupid-drunk director of the porn video, and I now understand why he did the whole “My Life in a Speedo” photo shoot for People magazine earlier this year. Completely hysterical. Well, the photo shoot was way more hysterical than ‘Piranha 3D.’
We’ve also got Ving Rhames as a beleaguered deputy who’s trying to nudge the Spring Break kids out of the water. He resorts to breaking out an arsenal — including a boat motor — to kill the piranhas. Pretty sure he clipped a few kids in the process, but with all that blood in the water, who knows for sure?
It’s one long blood-fest that I’m sure the cast and crew had a blast shooting. As for me? Eh, I prefer the Roger Corman version, but that’s just me. This one is worth seeing solely for the cameo by Richard Dreyfuss at the beginning of the movie, as a fisherman singing that classic tune he sang in ‘Jaws’ – ‘Show Me the Way To Go Home.’
What did you think? Are you a fan of ‘Piranha 3D’? Would you recommend it to your slasher-movie-loving friends? Or do you like the original Roger Corman version better?
Notes for Parents: Hire a sitter. Do not let your kids anywhere near this movie.
Images: Dimension Films