TROY

by Jane Louise Boursaw

Rated R (for graphic violence and some sexuality/nudity). 163 minutes. 2004.

Any time you get to see Brad Pitt’s naked derriere AND Orlando Bloom in the same movie, it’s a good day.

But those aren’t the only reasons to see Troy, the epic movie based on Homer’s The Iliad. This is a fabulous film – maybe not on par with Ben Hur, Spartacus, and other epics – but a good film nonetheless, thanks to an engaging storyline.

Ok, so I admit to having made it through high school without reading The Iliad, so here’s the scoop: while on a peace mission to the kingdom of Sparta, Trojan prince Paris (Orlando Bloom) steals away with Sparta’s queen, Helen (Diane Kruger). Helen’s power-mad megalomaniac husband Menelaus (Brendan Gleeson) joins forces with his brother, Greek uber-king Agamemnon (Brian Cox), and fierce warrior Achilles (Brad Pitt) to declare war on Troy and bring Helen home.

I guess no one explained to Paris that when you visit a king on a peace mission, it’s counterproductive to leave with his wife. This sets off a domino effect of kick-butt battles, one-on-one duels, a thousand ships being launched to retrieve Helen, and lots of angst over honor and respect among mankind.

In the middle of all this is Achilles, a sort of freelance warrior-for-hire who doesn’t really care which side he’s on. He just wants his name to end up in the history books. Pitt is buff, toned and tan, and looks fabulous in strappy sandals and flouncy skirts. But believe me, he is ALL man.

Skirts and sandals aside, guys will love this movie for the battle scenes, and women will love it for the tender moments. Achilles kills enough men by himself to fill a battleship (using a fascinating kick-sword move that catches his opponents completely off-guard), but he’s not just another unfeeling fighter. Under his gruff exterior lurks a man who really cares that the guys he slays can’t go home to their families at the end of the day. He’s conflicted – but not enough to give up his career, of course. Pitt’s no Charlton Heston, but he’s got some acting chops, in spite of his good looks.

The best and most heart-wrenching scene is played by Peter O’Toole (no big surprise there – he’s the “epic king,” thanks to films like 1962’s Lawrence of Arabia). In the dark of night, he ventures outside Troy’s walls and into Achilles’ tent, to ask for the return of his dead son, Hector, whom Achilles has killed in hand-to-hand combat, then dragged back to camp behind his chariot. O’Toole and Pitt deliver a moving exchange of emotion and dialogue, ending with Pitt declaring, “You’re a far better king than the one who leads this army.”

SCORE: 3 out of 4 Reels.

JANE'S REEL RATING SYSTEM:

One Reel – Pathetic. Even The Force can’t save it.

Two Reels – Tolerable. Coulda been a contender.

Three Reels – Pleasant. Something to talk about.

Four Reels – Wow!  The stuff dreams are made of.

Read my other reviews here.