PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

by Jane Louise Boursaw

Should you bring the kids? Angry cannibals, creepy pirates, lots of peril and action…nope, this movie isn't really appropriate for kids younger than 12. For more info, see "Bringing the Kids" below.

THE STORY: "You have a debt to pay," says an ominous voice. "You owe Davy Jones your soul. Time's up!" And so begins the second installment of the franchise that's turning pirates into rock stars of the new millennium.

Yes, the loopy Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) is back, caught in yet another tangled web of undead pirates lurking deep in the ocean. Before he’s able to get any real pleasure from his ship, the Black Pearl, Jack discovers he owes a blood debt to the legendary Davy Jones (Bill Nighy), ruler of the ocean and captain of the ghostly Flying Dutchman. (He also sports this wild beard of moving tentacles – you can't take your eyes off it!)

In short, unless Jack can figure a way out of this mess, he'll be doomed to an afterlife of eternal damnation and slavery (not to mention the end of this franchise, which we know isn't happening because "Pirates 3" is due out in 2007)

Being a pirate and an opportunist, Jack doesn't shy away from enlisting the help of his old friends, Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and his fiance, Elizabeth Swan (Keira Knightly), who've been thrown into prison by the evil Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander), a representative of the East India Trading Company. Beckett'plans to use Will and Elizabeth as leverage to keep Davy Jones and his ghoulish pirates from attacking his company's ships.

THE WRAP-UP: This movie is all about Johnny Depp, who camps it up from one action-packed scene to the next. Let's see…there's a giant sea monster, voodoo princess, barnacle-encrusted pirates, desert island, hungry cannibals, buried treasure, ghost ship, insane sword fight, and every other pirate cliche you can think of.

Really, it gets a little exhausting, and the movie is LONG (2.5 hours). After the first hour or two, even Depp's drunken pirate schtick -- which seemed so fresh and fun in the first movie – starts to wear on your psyche. It would have been better if they'd chopped off about 30 minutes in the middle.

The storyline also puts Will and Elizabeth's romance on the back-burner, and that's what helped to give the first movie some depth. Here, the pathos stems from issues between Will and his dad, who abandoned him as a child.

Still, this movie is a lot of fun, moves along fairly well, and ends with a great cliff-hanger into Pirates 3. Kudos to Stellan Skarsgard, who gives a heart-wrenching performance as Bootstrap Bill, and to Bill Nighy, who surely deserves a "best villain" award for bringing Davy Jones to life in all his tentacled glory. No Keith Richards, though, as was rumored. Look for him in the third installment.

PARENTS NEED TO KNOW: This movie contains a LOT of peril and action-violence. Characters are chased, flogged, dragged, trampled, shot at, rolled down hills, and nearly roasted over an open fire. In one disturbing scene, Will is tied to a mast and flogged by his father, Bootstrap Bill, who's in the midst of paying his own debt to Davy Jones. Also, the grotesque pirates and CGI sea creatures are menacing and downright scary, and there's plenty of sexual innuendoes throughout the movie.

BRINGING THE KIDS:

PRESCHOOLERS (ages 2-5): This movie is waaayyy too intense for preschoolers. For some alternative high-seas fun, check out: 1) "Dora the Explorer – Pirate Adventure" (DVD, 2003). Sing along with Dora, Diego, Boots, and Baby Jaguar as they stage a musical pirate play and travel to Treasure Island to retrieve a missing chest of costumes. 2) "Muppet Treasure Island" (DVD, 1996), a fun version of Robert Louis Stevenson's classic pirate tale, starring Kermit, Miss Piggy, Gonzo and others. 3) "Popeye 75th Anniversary Collector's Edition" (DVD, 2004). This 3-disc series includes 86 episodes of short films featuring the spinach-swilling sailor man, most from the 1960-1961 television season. For even more vintage Popeye, go back to the 1936 edition, now available on DVD. The quality is poor, but it's the real deal and everyone should see these at least once.

GRADE-SCHOOLERS (ages 6 - 10): Your grade-schoolers will be clamoring to see this movie, but it's pretty scary for kids younger than 12. Scenes include hungry cannibals, people in peril, and creepy characters who look like they're straight out of the bar scene in "Star Wars". There's a ton of fire-power, including guns, cannons and explosions, as well as several sexual innuendoes throughout the movie (namely, comments involving a compass, sword and voodoo priestess).

TWEEN / TEEN (ages 11+): Hunky heartthrobs? Check. Action-packed thrills? Check. Fab special effects? Check. Yeah, it's a little long and tiresome, but this is still a fun blockbuster with lots of thrills. It's also great for teen girls – in a role reversal, Elizabeth faces danger and peril to rescue her man! (Now if only someone would give her a sandwich and beef her up a little.)

SCORE: 3 out of 4 Reels

Jane's Reel Rating System:
One Reel: Pathetic. Even The Force can’t save it.
Two Reels: Tolerable. Coulda been a contender.
Three Reels: Thought-provoking. Something to talk about.
Four Reels: Wow! The stuff dreams are made of.

E-chat with me at jane@reellifewithjane.com - I LOVE to talk about movies!

Read my other reviews here.