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I don’t know if “The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard” is the worst movie of 2009, but it certainly ranks right up there. Or rather, down there. It had the potential to be a sleeper cult hit, but just didn’t hit the mark.

It stars Jeremy Piven, who’s basically playing his Ari Gold character from “Entourage,” only as a car salesman consultant named Don “The Goods” Ready – a guy who takes his team around the country helping used car dealerships sell more cars. Piven is good at the brusk, foul-mouthed, jerk-with-a-heart-of-gold character, so he does a pretty good job with it.

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And there are some other great actors in this movie, too – Ving Rhames, James Brolin, Ed Helms, Ken Jeong, and David Koechner among them. But the movie fails to deliver on just about every level.

I felt like the plot was contrived as a vehicle for Piven to do his schtick, and everything else sort of revolves around that. Basically, I’d rather see him as Ari Gold. Anything else is just a lame imitation. He’s going to have a really hard time breaking away from that character, because he’s so darn good at it.

More after the jump…

Other than that, the plot is sort of all over the place. There’s a “Let’s sell cars! We can do this!” story, as well as a couple of romantic storylines, one of which involves Don Ready. There’s the wacky dealership owner Ben Selleck (James Brolin), who has a 10-year-old son who because of a hormonal problem, looks 30. Selleck’s daughter (Jordana Spiro) is engaged to a loser (Ed Helms, who doesn’t even come close to the genius of his character in “The Hangover” or Andy Bernard in “The Office”).

Oh, and Will Ferrell (who’s also a producer on the movie) shows up as a junkyard angel with a potty-mouthed choir of two black chicks singing their own unique motivational music. See what I mean? It could be something quirky and funny. But it’s really not.

I guess if you like Jeremy Piven, you might want to check out this movie. Otherwise, wait for it to pass by your remote control some Saturday afternoon when you’re hanging around on the couch.

If you still want to own it, you can get the DVD or Blu-ray on Amazon.

Image: Paramount Vantage

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